The inside of my body is like a three-ring-circus!
And my immune system is out of wack!
It seems like every organ in my circus-like autoimmune system has a role to play. From the back to back infections in my lungs- including the constant upper respiratory infections and the pneumonia, to the poking and the prodding, the multiple testing, the frequent doctor visits, and the severe pain all throughout my limbs, I am beginning to LOSE MY MIND!
Feels like I’m juggling it all- the bowling balls and the pins. Feels like I’m an acrobat on a tightrope trying to keep from falling ALL WHILE trying to balance the pain, the suffering, the depression, and the shame.
But I cannot escape it!
Lupus is the ringmaster. I am the circus act. Day in and day out I am forced to do what the ringmaster commands me to. I am forced to make a mockery of myself in front of a crowd. Be in pain! Feel fatigued! Lose some hair! is what the ringmaster calls out to me.
In an effort to avoid future punishment (a flare) I must obey.
I want out of the circus.
There has to be a way!