Sitting in bed sick for the past three days has not only made ample room for thinking, but has led my idle mind to replay the same questions over and over again in my head.The same questions, I’m sure, have been on the minds of many lupies a time or two before…
I sat with my head to my pillow thinking, why did lupus have to happen to me? Of all the people in the world to take hold of, Lupus chose to enter my body? I took my vitamins. I exercised religiously. I did everything I could do to keep the doctors away from me. But it was pointless.
Do I have to be sick and live with this? Bed rest and dizziness? Fatigue and weakness? An obvious disconnect between myself and my body. My immune system is at a constant war against itself, slowly tearing down and destroying the ones who are trying to help.
So in the meantime I’ll just continue to lie here. My head to my pillow, eyes scanning the ceiling then back down. Hoping that one day things will turn around. Praying and believing, hoping and wishing, that the traces of Lupus will be nowhere to be found.